SilverWine: Misunderstood, freedom with family

SilverWine: Misunderstood, freedom with family: I once wished to be free; Free from responsibility. Free not to worry about a bill, free not to be worried at all Not to always feel ...

Misunderstood, freedom with family

I once wished to be free; Free from responsibility.
Free not to worry about a bill, free not to be worried at all
Not to always feel life was always going uphill where I would take the fall.
No need to worry where the next meal came from or
No problem I would have with car and the dead rusty kingdom.
To believe an incredible insurance copay, where would the money come from.
No worry to pay the sitter if ever she came to call,
Or just window shopping daydreaming of walking alone in the mall.

Those dreaded situations was like living all to fast,
looking for answers from that are subconsciously in the past.
Did the roses get smelled, or the moments ever noticed,
When all that was ever done is gone in just a blink of an eye.

Did it really matter of the money that was there
Wasn’t it more important the time that was shared.
Did it really matter if our cloths were in fashion,
Or was it the way we said our mom lines with love and  compassion.
Sink or swim was always on our minds
What did they really see, that or those special times?

To the park, on the bike, at the beach or a long nature hike.
Sitting in the car or walking home from school
Making yummy cookies while everyone else drooled.
The tea parties with feet, nails, hands and face.
Or just being at the end of that long hard fought race.


Really think back to what was really real.
Who’s expectations were you trying to meet during that rat race of a deal.
Trial by error was all you could do, it’s all what’s important and the way that they feel.
Keeping them safe and holding them dear that was what was real.
Was it the keeping up with the Jones or a other parents perceptions.
The love of a child is just sweet simple perfection!

Shield came down - why still hurt those you love

From whence you have come - a shy, low self esteem beaten and broken child
But still have a will to do better than where you have came from.
Looking to break a cycle you have fallen into,
Trying so hard to shelter those you love.
Pleasing everyone in your path, trying to make it all work with everyone,
even those with differences in ideals.
Not caring about yourself just if others were okay.
Never speaking your mind for fear of rejection and being alone.
Yet with doing what you thought was right you forget yourself along the way.

When you do starting expanding your horizons to be a new you
Others look at that as rebellious or not what’s expected from you.
Do it this way or I walk, do it that way or complaints happen,
 do it that way because
When do others share that responsibility of accountability?
Is accountability only for thee?

Why is one pigeonholed and not accepted for themself.
Why is there only accountability for those that rub others the wrong way
or act not what others expect.
What is expectation - a soft spoken shadow of a person?

To break the cycle of abuse is to feel secure in your own skin.
Having someone stand behind supporting feeling and the protection to stop others from mudslinging.
To feel secure may create waves in which others may not like the process
to see who really is behind the shield that had been the barricade of safety.

Why tell one of your disapproval of someone else’s actions
instead of that person you have the real issue with?
Is it really because you care or because you fear the real truth?
Maybe “You can’t handle the truth”,  as stated in A Few Good Men (1992) by Jack Nicholson

Where were all those people that were helped prior to the rebellion,
when the one working on breaking the cycle was down and out medically unable to do for oneself?
Busy with their own lives that they couldn’t bother to see.
Or just not caring because of static that may or may not could happen?
Still the broken was left to find security on a whim and a prayer.

One gets sick of pleasing everyone, wants  to finally try to live happily.
Wants to be treated well beyond years past yet,
that is a wrong because it’s not acceptable from the masses.
Talking behind ones back is just a coward way of life.
Talk to the one that is the real issue is about instead of the one always hurt.
Being put in the middle degrades the strength that is already in short supply and totally should not be in the middle.
Not ass kissing fit others needs not thee.
Make sense of what others expect.
Who wants to fit into someone else agendas is not being accountable to self.

Where one has come from, the harshness of life is left behind.
If one doesn’t speak for oneself and aothers see it will someone st
Who is the broken ones backing?
Not family, not friend, not siblings, but the rule book gets tossed.
Then someone else will with a vengence and that’s wrong why?
 Live by not giving into those who only see rheir right.
 Wanting the broken to going back to pleasing the masses.
Abiding by everyone else’s feeling except that persons own.

what do you do

When you have a hurt heart do you dwell on it or do you find a way to wrap up yourself into busy work? What is healthier? When I talked about shields last, could over working be one of those ways to shield you from the pain? 

Do you over eat carbs to fill the empty hole in your stomach? Is eating a shield to mask the pain of unkind words that people say to you?  Time passes by in such a quick fashion.  Knowing if you need to find a better way to cope with pain is something you need to consciously be aware of.  There is other ways to deal with things than using any shield such as food, work, other people issues on television or trolling through the drama of a social media site.

What ways do you cope with bad or hurt feelings?

Shield of what kind

So it’s been a while since I have been active.  Between the life that is and the life that was to the life that an be, life just happens.  Where are you today better or worse than yesterday?  I can’t decide because life is just different.

The shield I used to use to hide behind tp keep my soul from being hurt has now been striped away from me. I find myself using a different kind of shield to hide behind.  Not everyone likes it but I feel safe.

Many days I don’t like the new shield either because it’s rough, louder and more of a direct threat to others but at least I feel safe.
Should it be there to shield me or to make others feel comfortable?
Do I really need a shield at all anymore?
Do you have a shield you have to keep you feel safe?
Being hurt by others is hard.  Some use laughter,  others use avoidance and still others use fighting as their shield.

Is there a right answer or a wrong answer about a shield?  
If you have one, what do you use your shield for?

Just Writing to Write (Rough Drafts)

She was broken and lost but still saw wonder within the future. She was here for the experience. She strives to be herself and to never be silenced but most of all she looked for love. Her heart full of tiny birds waiting for the winds of affection. They only needed something small, the right song, the right moment of laughter, even just a small reminder that someone accepted her as their own. Love is a small thing and the main reason we look into the eyes of every creature we meet. We look for warmth and possibly understanding, a familiarity. We look for growth, for friendship, and for unconditional love.

Write about the sunlight kissing your cheeks and moon filled skies.
Talk about soft silks and ribbons in her hair.
Never forget the childlike wonder and never lose that love for tomorrow.
Today is hard but tomorrow is a promise,
It's a promise filled with those ribbons and starry night skies,
But most of all, its full of love that can re-spark your childlike wonder.

Being near him was like sitting in the sun with no clothes on, feeling the warmth and not a care in the world. To have his whole attention was standing center stage, thrilling and nerve racking. He was my favorite place to be and favorite person listen to even if he was saying nothing. His silence spoke to my soul but now there is only silence. I stand naked, center stage, and sun burnt. A hollowed out chest is what i have left to remind me of the passion that was once there.